Are We Making Our Children "spares"?

"And my brother - he gets away with everything of course. He`s the youngest. They always do, don`t they?"

This casual remark from a middle-aged colleague while chatting around the coffee machine at school drew the expected nods and murmurs of agreement. But - surely her brother must be a great big grown up man! What can an adult "Get away with"? More to the point, why would they even want to get away with shirking responsibility?

Since poor Prince Harry`s book SPARE came out , in which he details the sufferings he endured as the younger son of the most senior royals (Getting the pokiest little bedroom in the dankest corner of the castle AGAIN!) the issue of birth order psychology has become newly relevant.

By and large there is a set of accepted truths echoed in pop psychology, practitioners and parent information sites.

• Firstborns are good achievers and often excel. (Statistics are rolled out in support of this.) When they grow up they earn more. They are likely to benefit from having more adult attention in the first years of life, and from coaching younger siblings. By the age of six they effectively have managerial experience.
• They are focused on gaining adult approval, and shoulder responsibility from the "off".
• Oldest children are disproportionately represented in leadership roles.

Younger children - although just as intelligent - do not strive, or push themselves hard to achieve they tend to expect others to clear up the mess left by their less-than-optimal decision making. Spoilt, most likely, and indulged. Only in fairy tales do youngest borns play a starring role. Yet the cruelest fact of all is that younger children can assume all the characteristic virtues of the eldest - if for any reason the oldest child disappears from the scene.
Experts tell us this, and more, with cheerful unconcern as simple facts of life. Yet the implications for society are huge. You would expect howls of anguish from anyone who cared about equality. It really does look like a carnage of human potential. No-one seems bothered: it`s so weird! If there is any truth in all the above (and the really serious research questions whether any effect of birth order could persist into adult life) can nothing be tried to level the playing field? Can`t we at least think about it?
Perhaps harassed parents could avoid burdening older children with childcare duties and be tougher with the younger ones about chores. Include them in family decision making. And - crucially - they could praise and encourage younger children when they explore and show initiative, even if it is inconvenient. You only learn to make good decisions by making decisions at all. For younger children, approval tends to come when they are passive, doing as instructed. This is called Being Good. In first borns a spirit of adventure is welcomed. ("He`s so determined!")
Then there is school. Why not develop a system in which every child had a younger buddy to watch out for? If there is any substance in the rather depressing thumbs-down take on "subsequent borns", we owe it to them.