Let`s Talk About Failure

Let s talk about failure!

There is no doubt that human nature and the society within which we live, drive the vast majority of us to want to succeed. I admit that this may look very different for different people, at different stages of life and in a myriad of different situations. For so many of us: jobs, houses, children, hobbies, holidays, hopes and dreams all propel us ever higher in order to achieve goals great and small. It is likely that if you stopped to consider your own journey through life, you would clearly be able to recognise and & &vocalise the numerous successful moments.

However, when it comes to children, why are schools blighted by parents who simply assume & &their child will experience success? Is it because they fall over themselves to ensure that they succeed? Please note, I am not talking about achievement here, for which I mean attaining, reaching, gaining or acquiring through skill or courage or both. I m talking raw unadulterated success as in victoryor triumph winning, coming out on top, being better than the rest.

We may know some parents who constantly demand success for their child by hounding staff to give their child more lines in the assembly, the lead part in the school play, Captain the A team, receive more merits, be the main reader at Prize Giving or sing the solo at the Christmas concert. Of course something enormous is missing here the f word. Yes, failure! No one is successful without failure and yet, adults have driven themselves to the brink ensuring that their beautiful off spring never have to experience such a demeaning emotion. As I write these words, I am wincing at the incredible injustice of those who do not allow their children to understand failure, entertain failure, dance with failure, laugh in the face of failure.

Schools, Universities, employers and the government talk about wanting a robust, resilient generation with grit and determination to lead us into the future. How can we fulfill that noblest of aims without having failed on numerous occasions, starting from scratch again, scrapping it and rebuilding, re-working the problem, trying harder, bouncing back, not giving up, taking the tricky route, being knocked back, coming out fighting, considering you might be wrong, that its not the end of the world.

OK rant over but seriously, why do we have a generation of children who are terrified to contribute, start or even try, just incase it doesn t go well or because they wont be the best?

There must always be a balance good bad, up down, win lose, success failure. Good is nothing if not compared to bad, success is meaningless unless the flip side of failure.

Our education system is predisposed (whether we like it or not) to fuel success and failure. Dogged by exam results and selective school entry, how can it be anything else? The question is, what do we do about it?

Ask yourself: how often have you spoken to your child about situations that you have experienced where it didn t go your way? Have you shared stories of knock backs, struggles, disappointments, upsets and how you dealt with them. And (hopefully) the fact that you survived, carried on, and reached numerous positive outcomes. Working hard to achieve before coming out on top.

If you haven t spoken to your child about these normal things then perhaps you should. Perhaps you should leave them to their own devices in school and see how they get on, see how they deal with it, support them and advise what to do if and when it doesn t go their way but please don t fix it for them. They will, with great support from parents and school, eventually fix it for them selves or even better, decide to start again, rebuild, reconsider and re-plan. Those children will hold the future.

Jem