Creative Writing

I am currently tutoring a student who is retaking their GCSE English Language in November because they need to gain at least a level 5 to get into their preferred university to study engineering. (They achieved a level 4 this year). We have been greatly focusing upon the creative writing question in Paper 1 because this is where the student needs help developing their skills. It is also the question that carries the highest marks in Paper 1. Below, is an example of work that they have completed for me, along with feedback that I have given. They are working at a level 5 with their descri ptive writing.

Write a descri ptive paragraph inspired by the photograph below:

All aboard for Hunts Cross. Next stop, South Parkway!

The sleek, silver train glows under the boiling, blinding rays of the sun overlooking Lime Street station. Countless tiresome is this the correct adjective? Do you mean weary instead? - &workers gather at the compact doors like moths to a lamp, waiting impatiently, eager to find an empty seat. Whatever it takes to have a second more of sleep.

Some ambitious vocabulary and imagery selected here. Ensure that your choices are accurate though.

Or

Write one paragraph of a narrative entitled The Journey .

As he clambered aboard the colossal train, Mr Jones felt a sudden stab of panic.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I? Am I? Be careful with the layout of dialogue.

The doors slammed shut behind him before he could rethink the situation and any chances of return vanished along with it. Stumbling, he finds a seat and collapses in it.

Will I ever see them again? he asked himself as many more questions flooded his head, but they were useless. He knew there was no going back. The voyage ahead of him will test very soul.

Effective verb choices that definitely enhance the sense of being trapped.

Ensure that you don t mix up past and present tenses.