Safeguarding And The Role Of Adults

After all these years, reading and watching the news never fails to shock me and I'm sure that won't change even if I reach 90. In recent years we've been bombarded by revelations of how, put quite simply, adults take advantage of children. They manipulate them, groom them, disrespect and abuse them. Beyond that it seems totally acceptable for adults to indulge in self serving habits, including the language they use, regardless of the impact this may have on the next generation, or the next'or the next.

As a young man I would have found the current most serious revelations (especially with such frequency) almost unbelievable. Does this mean' it didn't happened in the past'? Yes, of course, it did has but I'm not sure on this scale.

As someone who has worked with communications technology for so long, I'd be the first to admit that social media and shared streaming has definitely made things worse along with the misguided notion the mass media gives us that we live in an age where almost any behaviour is ok. I applaud and support liberalism but understood it's virtues to be those which promoted equality and human rights not the idea that everyone can do what they want and behave how they want. Innovators of my generation spent a long time making sure the internet would work properly but put very little effort into making it safe, or friendly, and this has added to a consensus of what is regarded as acceptable behaviour and language amongst many adults.

I recently had a discussion with a woman around my age who said' I feel as though all my childhood was a scam, so many' brilliant' talented'' amazing' TV and radio stars have turned out to be women and/or child abusers and were supported in their crimes by others'. I knew what she meant. The media certainly has us looking at every grey haired (and some dyed) famous septo/octogenarian with suspicion which, of course, isn't fair. I also know of people who have walked away from their faith because of the behaviour of a minority of rogue priests. I remind them that these people don't represent the values at the root of that faith in the same way all DJs can't be perverts. It's important to realise as we look for solutions that we accept that these people still represent a damaged minority. And, there's no doubt that the media not only has had a field day with this subject but, at times, has handled it insensitively including a number of unsubstantiated allegations.

Everyone reading this will have their own thoughts as to why this is a prevalent problem but I'd prefer to discuss the slow road to recovery for our society and also ask for thoughts and contributions from others.

My more recent skill base and experience is very unusual. For 15 years I worked with the most vulnerable young people (and their families), out of school, struggling with education and relationships in general. Despite my initiatives being linked so closely to technology, it was always the professionals involved that really made the difference (please see previous post' The heart in the machine'). So, every student was assigned a named professional that worked in the home as well as every one of us being part of a 24/7 online collaborative and supervisedpastoral and educational community. The assigned professional would not stop going to the home no matter what was thrown at them (sometimes literally). Selflessness, a considerable degree of empathy, the ability to forgive and dedication was required to build relationships with such damaged young people. There is no doubt, at this stage of disengagement and hoped reengagement, that the way in which this' new' adult behaved was going to be massively influential. In addition to all this a rapid response to any disclosure by any teen was considered paramount.

Building relationships is the key. Making promises, and keeping them, in addition to being there for these vulnerable young people. Continuing to care after the school bell has rung or the office door shuts. We used to call working in this way' a vocation'.

This is also what we have to do in society, start to recreate trust and respect for adults. I would suggest that stage one is getting all adults to start behaving like adults. This can only be achieved by determining what values we would like in our society and that this is gradually made clear in all our schools and homes. Well, as near as is possible anyway. That's the difficult one now isn't it?' what are our shared values? Is there such a thing? Are all values valid? Well, if you accept the latter it makes teaching and working with young people very difficult. Despite popular myth children cry out for some sense of what is' right' and what is' wrong'. This post is definitely not about what I think is right or wrong (I`m not sure anyone would be interested) but whether we still agree that there is such a thing and, collectively, if we are willing to do something about it.

Part of a solution would mean society getting to a place where adults realise that there are many things you don't say to, and don't do, to minors. You don't say or do these things anywhere. It's not ok (for instance) because you're at a football match, it has to be consistent. Take my word I've been in environments where I've seen young mothers using the most unbelievable language as they shout at their own baby. This is not only generally unacceptable but pretty illogical as the only thing the baby is seeing is the rant and hearing the unkind raised pitch. Mind you, it is learning.

Could we agree on the stuff they shouldn't be exposed to on TV, internet, phones? Believe it or not it is achievable. Ever thought why it took so long, for instance, to ban smoking in public? Money. Money is the new God. Put on sky news, listen to any topic and it's always linked to a sum. Add to that the `we`ve given up` factor. I saw someone interviewed a few weeks ago who said' you can't police the internet'. You can. It would mean investment but you can. But we'd also need a world that thinks it is worth doing. Let me elaborate by saying something extreme, something silly just to make a point. Imagine all online activity world wide was shut down for a few months, from then on every website had to have a licence' like a car or a dog. There was an international record of all sites (and yes some would still find a way through the net - no pun intended). You can be sure the immediate response would include the words' cost'' economy' You get my drift? Believe it or not the economy was no better or worse when we didn't have any computers or internet (I take that back, it was doing very well between 1760 and 1850). It's not what I'm suggesting, I'm just trying to look at what society's priorities are.

I'll illustrate my thoughts on attitudes by relating a discussion I had with a friend and senior police officer ('and I should add someone who I regard as sound in every respect):

Me:' Bearing in mind that all teachers are obliged to check bad language in schools, and always have, do you think it's the right thing to do?'

X:' Well that's how it should be'

Me:' But what about in society' is it ok using the F word so frequently, road rage etc?'

X:' It's just inevitable isn't it? Unfortunately everybody uses that language now, it's not really a big deal anymore'

Me:' You have a daughter at primary school. Would you like the teacher to use that word if he/she got annoyed?'

X (he laughs)' No of course not I'd be furious, it would be acceptable'

Me' do you get what I'm saying?' who now decides what is and what isn't acceptable. What is the cut off point for those values you're expressing, is it age? Where you come from? What you watch on TV? Surely you have to accept that we are meant to be training kids for life and that all adults should be helping set that example?'

To be fair, he did get the point and there's probably not too much we can do about that particular issue now (and many would argue it doesn`t matter) but it's interesting that he measured his own daughter by her current age, not as a life long learner and a future adult/parent/grandparent/role model in our society.

My team chose to make itself available 24/7 and, if nothing else, this way of working made it perfectly clear to us that the problems in our young people`s families (including the most serious ones) didn't occur between 9 and 4 ('sorry there's no one in the office at the moment''). Keeping our promises to them was paramount. Keeping promises builds trust and, even though they are vulnerable, most children and teenagers soon smell a rat if there's one in their midst.

Convincing the mass media and those who should be policing the internet that kids need looking after and should not be exposed to every vice on the planet should also be built into a long term plan. Yes, much of the `nanny` software is really good but, in it`s current state, most teens can get through any barriers to the internet that are meant to keep the nasty stuff away. Wouldn't it also be nice if this drive to get children to believe they are' grown up' by the time they are 8 would also go away.

I worked directly with a 15 year old who was completely shut down - really hard to reach. On the basis that there really is `always a way in` I tried everything. It was only when I noticed an injury (he`d kept hidden) that he began to talk. He confessed he`d blown his thumb off with a home made bomb. This had been his hobby since the age of 8. Everything he needed to know could be found online (he showed me how easy it was) and, yes, he had considered harming others (but hadn`t by this point). As you can imagine, this conversation was thankfully the start of the road to recovery. But think about it - is this really what we want on offer for our young people?

Part of the long term plan has to be persuading those people who get pleasure from abusing children to come forward so society can look at ways of helping them. They clearly have a very serious problem. You presume I only mean paedophiles? There is so much out there legally that is damaging young people and because' it's inevitable' and' everybody does it' or' it's just a bit of fun' (my personal favourite) doesn't mean it's acceptable or that it is beneficial to our society. Is it fair that on at least 5 occasions I had to speak to grown men at football matches (in the' family' stand too) about the language and racist comments when I took my young children? Shouldn't those things be ironed out elsewhere and should I really be regarded as the odd one out for raising it?

Similarly, we have to fight this accepted trend that all broadcast news should be negative. Just think of the number of life-saving, compassionate, selfless acts that take place world wide every day that don't get a mention. It's so important that we expose young people to positivity, have them believe life is worth living and that they are able to change things for the better.

Believe me, at my age I can assure you that the cycle of generations happens much faster than you think. It's essential we invest values in all our young people.

I suppose it's just a question of what we think those should be? Suggestions welcome.

Not long ago I was observing an NQT. I simply asked why he had decided not to correct a behaviour that we had both witnessed (and was clearly abusive). He simply said,' It's not my job to decide what's right and wrong''.

Perhaps it's not?