Hard Choice

Headache for all parents - making independent choice for our children. How many times we parents are presented with dilemma of deciding what is good for our child and what is not? It is hard to decide when we should make decision for our children and when we should let children to decide for themselves. Everyone will agree that deciding for a little child who has no comprehension of world around it its easy. Parents with children up to 12 years old usually have not got a problem with making choices for their children. During that time parents get used to an idea of deciding for child and it is very comfortable way of dealing with child. "Why is my child acting like that....?" Children grow and become more independent in all areas of life, soon they start challenging parents and their decisions. This time in life of our children creates specific tensions and misunderstandings between parent and children. We might think it is something we are doing wrong or we might think that there is something wrong with our precious child. It is not that easy, we have to remember that our child is attending school, gaining friends which he or she would like to hang out with. Outside relationships with peers can greatly influence the way our child responds to us and the way how our child feels about themselves. Social interaction can make our children feel more independent than they really are. It all depends on group of people which our child hang out with, how much time we spent with our child, have we got only one child or there are any siblings around and finally what influence child minder have on our family life. Looking at and thinking about all those circumstances can give us a headache. My professional opinion.. From professional point of view I can tell that there is no golden rule when to start treating our children more independently and give them some independence in making decisions. As a parent and professional carer, and teacher I would like to say that we should prepare our children to independent living starting from the time where our child can communicate their needs to us. There is nothing wrong in making decisions for our children, however they should be balanced and based on comprehension level of our child. In my opinion giving child chance to make their own choices and implementing consequences of their choices is the most important step in to preparing our children to independent life. Why should we let our children make a decision? Let our children decide but explore possible outcomes from decision they make. Such exploring can give us opportunity to show our children that not everything is as easy as they might think it is. Benefits of implementing consequences dependent on made decision are priceless. Our children learn that there are consequences to their actions, decisions. They also learn that very often they are actually to young or not experienced enough to deal with consequences of their decision. It is very important for parents to choose right time and moment to let child make a independent choice. It comes to parents knowledge of child and ability to explain why other option are more beneficial to child than the one their kids chose. Hopefully everything will go according to plan... All parents have got expectation towards their children, some are realistic and easy to accept by child the other are more parents dreams and completely irrelevant to their child. Parents expectation can be a very important factor in making decision for child or manipulating child to make decision which is compliant with parents choice. We all have to be careful in making decisions for our children. We all try to do best for our child and we all want the best for our child, however our desire to have the best for our child can easily turn into a battle for our lost or not accomplished dreams where definitely our child is losing. First of all this will not let our child to develop appropriate comprehension skills to become fully independent, Second it can create very difficult family situation and can be underlining any behavioural or even in extreme cases developmental problems in child. Word of Advice All parents please be mindful of your decisions made for your children. Have a discussion with your partner or try to think through what you planning to do, remember it is up to you to prepare your child for independent living. There is nothing better than raising your child`s confidence from very beginning. You might find that approach like that can lead to your child being more open to you and sharing with you. Good Luck Patryk