Why We Disagree And How We Can Do It Better

Disagreement is rife in contemporary life. In our media-saturated culture, we are assaulted daily with mixed messages from political figures, journalists, and writers about what is really happening, what we should believe, and what we should do about it. Given the prevalence of such disagreement, we often attempt to defuse any friction caused by any opposing parties through one of two ways.

On the one hand, we might `agree to disagree` this is an attempt to defuse hostility by avoiding any kind of sustained engagement on the central point of controversy.

On the other hand, we might insist on a relativistic stalement everyone is equally entitlement to their own opinion, and none is more absolutely `right` because `opinions` are different from knowledge.

The problem with both of these responses is that they do not allow us to benefit from any disagreements that we might have. We approach- in both these cases- a dead end in the conversation.

I wish to argue that instead of seeking to end disagreements prematurely, we should seek to improve them. We should not avoid disagreement, we should learn how to do it well. Thoughtful disagrements can benefit all parties in a number of ways they can enlarge our understanding of what is possible, deepen our self-knowledge, and lead us beyond false dichotomies (either-or choices) into new ways of interpreting the world. Good disagreements are kinetic. Bad disagreements are stale they generate no new movement and no new life.

How can we disagree better? Here are 3 tips.

(1) Separate three different kinds of question and the responses to them

- Most disagreements can be improved immensely if you separate the following questions: (a) what is going on? (b) what should we do? (c) what should we believe?

- When these three issues are tangled together we might find that we are addressing (c) while our opponent is addressing (a) or vice versa. If we can separate our discussion at these three levels we well be able to understand each other a lot better.

(2) Be clear about what you mean by the words you use

- In a discussion on politics, for example, politicians on left and right often dispute the inheritance tax while bandying around the word `fair`. What should be abundantly clear is that they don`t mean the same thing by it.

(3) Acknowledge weaknesses in your own position

- It is the mark of true education to be able to disagree with yourself to some degree. If you think your position is faultless, you will be more defensive and therefore less likely to engage in thoughtful disagreement.