How To Support Children During Exam Revision

Introduction When supporting your children with revision, it's important to give them the best support possible. This comes in 3 stages: revision, pastoral support and the end of exams. In this article, I will show you how to make the most of each stage:

Firstly, when supporting children with revision, you must ensure that the children understand the importance of revision. Keep a copy of their exam schedule and do regular progress checks.

Secondly, on the pastoral front, allow them to be a bit less than themselves. Also, be prepared to support them by being the kind of parents who invite confidents. Help them to manage their stress and uncertainty. Don't be afraid to show them open affection when necessary.

Thirdly, when your children get the results back; have a big celebration, whatever they get. 1) Support with Revision:

a) Make your Children understand the Importance of Revision: Don't automatically assume that every child will understand the importance of revision. Some may claim that they find it easier 'not to revise'. Unfortunately, this is a very bad way to go about preparing for an exam. Firstly, students need to know as much as possible in the exam. Unfortunately, knowledge off the top of their heads will only get them so far: they'll have retained only half the information from the course (at best).

Secondly, the less students prepare, the less confident they'll be in exam-writing. Exams are about more than saying what you know. They're about applying what you know under pressure and in timed conditions. Even after students have revised everything they know, it takes practice for them to become confident in writing and applying it. The actual exam is definitely not a good time to practice for the first time: they'll be feeling incredibly nervous. This will distract them and they'll succumb to the jitters very easily. Hence, they won't know what to write. Even if they have something to write, the quality and quantity of their writing will be very weak.

Thirdly, revision gives students the opportunity to discern what they're good at and less good at. This process highlights areas that need to be concentrated on in order to give themselves the best chance possible in the exam. Unfortunately, no revision means that they won't know what they're good at and less good at. Hence, they'll be throwing away a no-brainer opportunity to improve your chances in the exam.

By understanding the importance of revision yourself, you'll be able to give logical arguments for why revision is essential to success. Furthermore, you'll understand what your children need to get out revision, hence improving their chances in the exams.

b) Keep a Copy of the Children's Exam Schedule: Keeping a copy of your children's exam schedule will help you to understand what they need to have covered by when. Knowing this will help you to discern where they should be at certain points. If they aren`t there at that point, you know when to step in. However, if they are there you know when to relax and leave things in their hands (see next paragraph for further details).

c) Progress Checks: It's very important that children have their revision checked up. Checking up on them will identify anything that they are doing wrong or could be doing better. However, it's equally important to get the right balance between giving them a second opinion and respecting their autonomy as maturing adults. Too few check-ups leaves too big a margin for error. Furthermore, the lack of support suggests that you could not care less about how they do. However, too many check-ups are too rigid and restricting. Furthermore, the constant need to control suggests that you don't respect or trust the person as a maturing adults. Therefore, a good balance is the midway point between the two extremes. Check up on their progress and how they are revising reasonably often. But above all, check up in a reasonable, tactful and cooperative tone. An overbearing, undermining, unreasonable and critical tone is neither necessary nor useful in these cases; it just creates more unnecessary hard feelings. This also means that children will be less open with you. This will lead them to bottle up their emotions, which will result in inefficient revision.

d) Do not Force what Works for you onto your Children: Everybody is different and it's very important to recognise this. We all have our different ways of working. Hence, what works for you may not work for your children. By all means test out whether what works for you works for your children. However, be prepared to adjust working techniques if it clearly isn't working for your children. Above all, don't try to force them into doing what works for you. The more forceful and aggressive you are, the more likely they will resist. Forcefulness may have worked for the children when they were younger and not able to think as logically. However, these are teenagers / young adults. They not only think more logically but know themselves much better. Hence, logical arguments presented in a reasonable, diplomatic tone are much more likely to have the desired effect. This is particularly the case if your children are logical-thinkers who prefer logic over force.

2) Pastoral Support:

a) Allow them to be a Little Less than Themselves: Children may not be themselves during exam periods. But remember that's entirely normal. They're under an enormous amount of pressure and are about to undertake exams that will determine where they go in the future. Furthermore, remember that 16 - 18 is a somewhat turbulent time in the average person's life; trying to figure out one's identity and managing all the chaotic emotions that come with that age. Even when encouraged to stay positive, children may occasionally be moody during exam periods.

If they are like this, take the following steps. Firstly, remember what you felt like at their age. Many of you would have felt exactly how they felt: insecure, moody, uncertain and stressed. Secondly, you should tailor your response to the children's needs. Some children may be the sort of people who need to be talked to. If so, talk to them. However, remember to do so in a gentle, patient way (see further down the article). However, others may be the sort of people who are best left to sort these issues out by themselves. If so, just leave them to it and make it clear that you are there for them if needed.

b) Open Displays of Affection: Many children will be under immense pressure from teachers and other groups to take these exams seriously.and they should be taken seriously. After all, consider the consequences of performing badly (see 2d in the article). However, you should be wary of taking this approach too far.

Admittedly, pressure does motivate students to work hard. On the other hand, it also creates a very narrow view of success. This is unhealthy for one's personal and social development. The message of this view is as follows: 'if you don't get this particular grade, then you're a failure. It does not matter whether you are hard-working or kind-hearted. All that I'm interested in are your grades.' For many people, it potentially creates a narrow-view of self-worth. Admittedly, this is more manageable for the gifted. Their gifts mean that they have a better chance of getting higher grades. However, it's much harder for the less able. Their lower ability means that they cannot achieve the higher grades. This means that they are far more likely to develop low self-esteem.

Thus, if you want your children to have higher self-esteem, you must act as if you judge them on things other than grades. These can personal achievements or qualities. You must let them know that you love and are proud of them regardless of how they do in these exams.

At the same time, be wary of taking this too far. Sometimes children know that you love them unconditionally and do not need to be reminded about it. Unnecessary affection can quickly become smothering and annoying. Thus, reserve this kind of talk for when they are clearly struggling.

c) Be the Kind of Parents who invite Confidants: All parents want their children to be open with them. It isn't healthy to keep your feelings bottled up inside; they gradually consume you until you become visibly sullen. Thus, they have to come out sometime and being open with others is a good way to do this.

However, how open people are with you completely depends on whether you invite confidants. The kind of people who invite confidants are gentle, sensitive, patient, slow to anger and unlikely to scorn what others have to say. If you behave like this, your children will be more encouraged to open up. By contrast, the kind of people who don't invite confidants tend to be ill-tempered, insensitive, impatient, quick to anger and very likely to scorn what others have to say. If you behave like this, your children will not be open with you. They'll end up bottling up their emotions and have no way to get them out. This will lead to inefficient working and perpetual unhappiness.

If you want your children's trust, good for you. But remember you have to invite that trust. And whether you invite that trust depends completely on how you behave.

d) Manage Children's Feelings of Nervousness, Uncertainty and Insecurity: For many children, exams bring out nervousness, uncertainty and insecurity. And when you think about it, you realise that it's hardly surprising. There are serious consequences if they do badly in these exams: humiliation in peer groups, disappointment from teachers, lower chances of securing their preferred place at university or future- to name just a few examples. Furthermore, many people struggle with at least one subject. There are even those who struggle with most subjects. As such, they'll be feeling very insecure about their value if they can't manage (especially when they are close friends with more gifted students).

They'll then be feeling very uncertain as to what the future has in stall for them. Sadly, this is an ongoing process and does not properly go away until one's path is clearer (when it becomes clearer largely depends on the person). However, there are strategies for managing this process. Firstly, you can remind them that nervousness and uncertainty are inevitable at this point in life. Secondly, you can remind them that their future is still undetermined and that things become clearer in life. Thirdly, do not compare them to others (especially in a negative way). They will be under extreme pressure and feeling very insecure about themselves and their future. Implying that they are not as organised as others will only add to their insecurities. But perhaps the best strategy is to act like you believe in them. Acting like you don't believe in them (nagging, criticizing them etc.) will only make them feel even more insecure. Believing in them may not always make them believe in themselves. Nonetheless, it's very likely to stop them from disbelieving in themselves further.

3) The End of the Exams:

a) End of Exam Celebration: A good way to end the exam season is with a celebration. The children will have been working very hard and enduring an enormous amount of stress. Hence, they'll be feeling very tired and overworked. When they`ve got through this difficult season, they'll need something to get their spirits back. A celebration is a good way to do this. Again, what you do to celebrate will depend very much on the children. However, some things to consider may include: a meal out to a favourite restaurant, a trip to the cinema or even a holiday.

b) Getting Results: What the children get their results, you should all celebrate, regardless of the outcome. Not necessarily all people will get the results that they want: some will, others won't. But one way or another, they will have tried their best and that should be acknowledged.

If the children don't get the results that they want, make it clear to them that inevitably there are second chances. This can be through going to sixth form colleges and taking resits or different courses; going to a different university or taking a different career path.

If the children do get the results that they need, do not take this for granted. Simply giving them a curt 'well done' suggests that you expect them to do well. This is an unreasonably high expectation for children to live up to. To achieve those grades (regardless of their ability) requires a considerable amount of effort. For most people, this does not come naturally. Furthermore, higher grades (A* - B) are higher than what most students achieve. It's unreasonable to simply take these a high grades and effort for granted. This then gives the children the feeling that they have unreasonably high expectations to live up to. In turn, this makes their efforts feel undervalued.

Conclusion: To anyone who's read this article: I wish you all the very best in providing pastoral support to your children. I remember all too vividly the struggle of exams and the struggle that my parents went through to support me. However, the important thing to remember is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. This light is a prosperous future for the children: a good job, friends, independence and perhaps even a family. The journey to reach this light will not be an easy one. There will be many challenges and hardships from work, friends and even family. This is a journey which every person goes through at 16 - 18. Eventually, your children may start a family of their own. Remembering this journey will give them the compassion that they need to help others who are going through a similar process. But for every person, there is always the light that is working towards for!