Things parents should never tell students on results day

It`s almost too long ago for me to remember the day I got my exam results, but I`m sure that for all students the long wait for their papers to be marked, and their A-level grades to be announced must be excruciating. After two whole years of study, culminating in many hours of exams, they must wait for weeks and weeks - through the majority of the summer holidays only to have all their potential for the future distilled into a single letter: A, B, C

Though most parents will have been taskmasters throughout the revision season, attempting to ensure their children get the best grade they possibly can, once the exams are over it`s time for the students to take a well earned break. I can remember the overwhelming relief when the whole business of revising and sitting to be tested was finally over. The matter was out of my hands - no about of extra study was going to alter the grade I was to receive: all I could do was wait.

On the actual day of the results students can log onto the UCAS website to see how they performed - they won`t actually be told their grades though, only if they have achieved the required number of points to be accepted by their chosen university. Results day will of course be an extremely anxious time for any student - it will be a defining day of their lives. To help them deal with the stress and anxiety of this day, here is a list of things parents should probably avoid saying:

1. Back in my day exams were far more difficult.

It will not be helpful to tell an anxious student about to receive their grades that their exam was actually far easier than those in the past. They will have sat the exam, and they may have struggled over much of it - to be informed that exams were so much easier in the past won`t be helpful to them, and will only exacerbate their nervousness.

I can remember, after completing a difficult exam, hearing my colleagues afterwards expressing how easy it was. I was horrified - `if my peers found it so easy, what`s wrong with me? I found it extremely arduous - I must have done awful!` I seem to recall that I duplicitously agreed with my friends, boasting how easy I also found it. Perhaps we were all just being braggarts, showing off as a way to compensate for the feeling that we had really performed badly.

Telling a student that exams were easier in the past serves no purpose - if they get a disappointing grade they will feel even worse, and if they perform well, they might feel that they don`t actually deserve the high accolade.

2. How well do you think your friends did?

Adolescents are of course keenly aware of their status amongst their friends, be that socially or academically. We learn about ourselves by measuring our abilities against those in our peer group - and though they will have fairly certain ideas on how well their friends performed in their exams, it is probably best to avoid them making comparisons at this important moment. All their concerns should be on how well they did, if they obtained the grades to get into their university; reminding them of friends who might be more academically gifted will be an unhelpful distraction.

3. I heard last year lots of the exams were incorrectly marked.

This is something that never be said to a student about to obtain their exam results. Though there are rare errors in the grading of exams, and querying an unexpected grade can lead to a remarking, these events are extremely uncommon. With this thought in mind, a student receiving a good grade might begin to doubt its authenticity, while a student getting a bad grade might nurture the unlikely hope that their test paper has been incorrectly marked.

4. If you fail you can do retakes next year.

While retakes are often possible, it`s best not to set up a negative atmosphere, a scene of expected failure, just before the student receives their grades. Though they shouldn`t be made to feel that there are absolutely no options if they don`t achieve their required grades, it would be more helpful to let them know this some time before results day. A more congenial option than retakes, which would likely set them back a whole academic year, is the clearing system, which facilitates students who don`t achieve their required grades finding an alternative university course.

5. You should have revised more.

Even if the student didn`t spend enough time preparing for their exams, pointing this out at the moment they are going to receive their grades cannot in any way be helpful. By all means stress the importance of revision in the period leading up to their exams, and do as much as you can to encourage them to prepare and study so they can achieve their full potential - but don`t chide them for not revising enough at the very moment when they are about to get their results.